Most Bullshit Product Ever
Diet caffeine free Coke. WTF. Why do you exist. No one actually drinks diet coke for the flavor, it tastes like flat coke mixed with what criminals use to make prison tattoos aka piss and lead from their bars. If you’re that thinspiartion seeking bitch who is shaking her bony neck right now disagreeing that diet coke is a delicious breakfast and celery is Thanksgiving dinner then GTFO. If...
The Truth About: Walk(s) Of Shame
I see nothing shameful about getting some. We all know the purpose of college is to find out what you like to do, and I think it should be your personal ambition to find out just how much you like leaving the bar with someone after a couple shots of whiskey. If you think your undergrad degree is intended to teach life skills you are shamefully misinformed. Walks of shame are a win on all...
Things I am Irrationaly Afraid Of
The Snow White ride at Disney World. I refuse to sit on the side where the Queen as an old lady turns around, never ceases to scare the crap out of me, regardless of my age. My future ginger army can go on that one alone. To piggy back the Disney theme let me add the water in the It’s A Small World Ride. I do not trust bodies of water where you cannot see the bottom; therefore, I am...
Evils of Facebook Chat
In some ways it is too much life real life, in other ways it has features I wish existed in my day to day social interactions. I have a few different block lists, ex-boyfriends I am still facebook friends with (thats a joke- I drunk unfriend them all), their friends, annoying girls, family members, adults in general, anyone I have hooked up with, anyone I want to hook up with … basically...
How to: Meet a Man at Starbucks
Cut in front of him in line and order for him. Make sure to request his beverage to be extra hot- like him- but also nonfat, this lets him know you care about how he looks and he can’t gain the relationship 15. Shallow girls are the happiest. Always ask for extra whipped cream on your frap / orange juice. It is key to lock eyes with the closest male above the age of sixteen, stick two...
Dear Boobs (or lack thereof)
Dear chest that is often confused with the back of a fourteen-year-old boy, Where are you? Oh I get it, did you never come because I forgot to make a Facebook event and invite you? I didn’t know puberty was like a frat party welcome week event, the kind everyone is invited to but no one really wants to attend- they just want it to show up on their page. Look how popular I am. Yeah, that...